I went to a wedding over the weekend for my friend Dan and his now-wife, Leanne. Additionally, I was also the best man. I’ve been fortunate enough now to give a best man speech twice in my life, but I don’t have the first one written down anymore, and there’s no video of it. So this time, I’m at least creating a transcript of what I said.
Writing it wasn’t the easiest. Not because I couldn’t find words to say—I’ve got plenty to say about Dan—but because of, well, getting divorced. I’m still not entirely sure that I was the best person to get up and talk about true love. But I did, and I’m happy I did. I don’t disagree with anything that I said—and I’ll leave it at that. But here it is for posterity’s sake, and maybe some random bloke might get inspiration for when they’ve gotta get up and do it, too. I was also stoked I kept it under 5 minutes, if we’re being honest. (I also totally didn’t delete any hint of an “um” or a “like” in this. Definitely not.)
“Hi everyone, my name is Geoff and I have the distinct honor of being Dan’s best man tonight. Before I get started, I just wanted to take a couple seconds to say some ‘Thank Yous’ that I think are really important. First, Donna and Paul, thank you for everything and helping to put this on tonight. This is great so far and we are going to have such a great night. Monica, where’d you go? Shout out for that speech just now. That was great to hear so much about Leanne and Dan. And Leanne, while we’re talking about you: Shout out to you tonight. You look fabulous. Not only that, your smile is huge, too, tonight, and that just shows, I think, how happy you are and yeah, we are all supremely happy for you guys tonight. And then, lastly, I wanted to thank Dan and Barbara for raising the man I get to stand next to you today—and you are really great.
“When I first heard about Dan, I heard about him before I met him. I had joined a fraternity, Pi Kappa Alpha—shout out all the PIKEs that are here tonight—I had heard about him, I pledged the spring of my freshman year, heard about him the summer coming into the fall, and everybody told me about this kid. They’re like, ‘Geoff, you gotta meet this kid. He’s going to be dynamite. He’s gonna be a huge tradition of the fraternity.’ And I was like, “Sweet! I love new kids live maternity. Why not?” I remember I came back the first day of the fall semester and walked into our Hamilton house and I looked at Dan and I think that’s the first time I really learned not to judge a book by its cover, because I looked at Dan—remember Dan? You wore the shorts, the plaid shorts all the time? The pukka necklace? Yeah, the Hollister shirt on. I was like ‘no, no way.’
“But then, yeah, I don’t know if it was maybe 10 minutes later that we connected, and it quite literally has just spiraled out to here and to where we are now, and I’m eternally grateful that we made that first connection. When I really think about it, what’s always stood out to stood out to me about you is that you’re not just a friend, but you’re a friend that helps. And so many times throughout college, you asked such an important question that so few people, I think, ask, and it’s, ‘How can I help? What can I do?’
“There’s so many times where I had so much stuff to do and you were just a man that always stepped up and was like, yeah, like, whatever. What do we need to do? And I’ve always really appreciated that and I hope you know how much I appreciated that.
“But what really makes me happy now, today, standing here, is that Dan, you found that person who sits and asks that same question for you. And that’s also extremely rare to get, too, and Leanne, I want you to know how badass you are for asking Dan all those questions about how you can help. Um, I don’t know if everybody knows, but Dan, the fragrance idea is Leanne’s and the fact that she came that idea, that business, that’s pretty impressive. So, Leanne, thank you for being that person who asks Dan ‘how can I help?’
“Because, I think that, you know, there’s so many things that go into a marriage, what makes it good, what makes it last, all that. But I truly think at the end of the day, the most important thing is to look across from your partner and say, ‘How can I help?’ Um, I don’t know if it was Tony Robbins or one of those motivational speakers, but he said, it said something that really always stuck out to me, that when you enter a marriage, your problems and their problems are no longer individual problems. They’re our problems. I think as long as you guys remember that, that they are our problems together, and you look at each other and say, ‘How can I help you?’ You’ll be able to get anything that you guys want in your lives, and I know that you guys are gonna go on to do such great, amazing things.
“And I hope that as you guys sit here and hold these hands now, remember that on any dark day, anytime that the rain seems like it’s coming, grab each other’s hands. Say, how can I help you and watch the rainbows come out instead? And I guarantee you guys, it’s definitely going to.
“I feel like I have said enough. So I just want to finish this by saying, I hope that all of us empty our glasses many, many times tonight, but that the vessels of your heart, stay overflowing with love for the rest of your lives. Cheers to the new Mr. and Mr. Wajs.”
A Whately Devil 